PARTLY FACETIOUS: The fault lies with Mian sahib

“What do you have to say about the performance of He Who Shall Remain Nameless now?! Did you see the long queues of people wanting to get tickets for the final Pakistan Super League (PSL) match in Lahore?”

“Yes I did, and the fault lies with Mian sahib fair and square.”

“Good heavens, where does Mian sahib come in? I mean how anti-Mian sahib can you get. I am sure even if the weather is bad you will blame Mian sahib…”

“Two things my friend, first, Mian sahib is the Patron-in-Chief of cricket and need I add, he is the one who appointed He Who Shall Remain Shameless who has done wonders for bringing down our expectations of how to play good cricket… I mean look at the crowds wanting to see bad cricket by our players in the stadium, live…”

“It’s not He Who Shall Remain Shameless, but He Who Shall Remain Nameless – if you want to throw a stone at him then being nameless would hurt him while shameless is the natural outcome of our changing political liaisons…”

“A question: those with tickets have to walk two kilometers to get to the stadium…would that apply for the gerontocratic Pakistan Cricket Board members? And what if Mian sahib and Dar sahib want to see the match…”

“We follow the Animal Farm epithet: all animals are equal but some are more equal than others.”

“I guess… anyway the second thing I wanted to point out was that Mian sahib’s Pakistan is kind of boring – no outlet for enjoyment for the young and the old. He is building roads, good roads but what do you expect the poor to do, get a bike which is probably all they can afford and go up and down a good road which may be miles upon miles away from their residence or place of work…”

“What about the Metro?”

“We Punjabis can go up and down our city with the Metro, I myself have done it, but after a few months that activity gets boring and need I add only the poor kids do it now…”

“Hey, he is giving you electricity, get your own movies and…”

“I don’t do English movies and the Indian movies keep getting banned due to Modi’s India and we can’t rely on that either.”

“Well open all your lights and fans and enjoy the electricity.”

“But the bill…”

“Oh you are just a pessimist.”