Partly Facetious: The bestest party in Pakistan

“I would like to restate the findings of the most recent survey: Mian sahibs’, plural here, are the bestest in this country – the older gentleman is the best Prime Minister and the younger the best Chief Minister as per Pildat, a non-partisan think tank, and put that in your pipe and smoke it.”


“And this in spite of the Panama revelations!”

“OK, but…”

“There is no but, that’s it, the PML-N, the party that bears the name of the Prime Minister, it’s not PML-S as in Sharif but PML-Nawaz, the bestest party in the country, with the bestest prime minister and the bestest chief minister and need I add the N party focuses on two forums for its accountability: the court of the people is one and the court of law is another and need I add the former trumps the latter in the event that there is some discrepancy…”

“What about adhering to laws?”

“Whatever the laws – they may be enacted in parliament but will be implemented by the N league as long as the party is in power.”

“Hmmmm, and the bestest Finance Minister?”

“There I can concede if you want – I did write to Emerging Markets that gave him the award of being the best Finance Minister in South Asia asking them for the criteria used to reach that conclusion, a question that the magazine first tried to dodge by stating that it gives these awards regularly but when I insisted on the criteria used I heard nothing…so perhaps Dar sahib needs to ask them to reveal the criteria….”

“There were a lot of Pakistani advertisements in the issue.”

“Well there you go: it was a clever use of finances. And that is why Dar sahib is our finance minister and why he got the award. But what about the bestest Interior Minister?”

“Emerging Markets doesn’t rate interior ministers, out of its purview, but perhaps the Jane Defense Weekly can be contacted and…”

“Don’t be facetious, I do respect the interior minister, he is not a courtier as Imran Khan acknowledges – he is an Aitchisonian after all, an elite school from my home town which focuses on the development of backbones but surely he should have expected the last query which prompted his rather abrupt departure and…”

“Aitchison may enable its students to sit up straight, you know enable them to ride a horse with grace! But let me tell you that a backbone is an individual thing – Ayaz Sadiq is from the same school and where is his backbone?”

“I stand corrected but Chaudhry sahib must know that social media is the way to win elections – in the US elections social media is a major…”

“But social media doesn’t focus on substance but on lies, lies and…”

“And then there is statistics.”

“Let Dar sahib be in peace for Petes sake.”

Source: Business Recorder