Partly Facetious: Nawaz ran party when he was in exile

“So did you finally figure it out?”

“I have figured out a lot of things. I have figured out that Pakistan’s economy is at the take off stage…”

“With a little help from the data manipulators!”

“Hey, statistics are statistics – whether they are accurate or doctored and as I grow older my reliance on doctors is rising and need I add, anything doctored is OK by me.”

“Don’t be facetious.”

“But shouldn’t data manipulators be more competent about manipulating data. I mean it should not be so easy to detect – even an illiterate person in Pakistan knows data is being doctored.”

“Two things, my friend: first the illiterate don’t know what data has been claimed by the manipulators and second if there was competence then there would be no need for data manipulation.”

“But data manipulation only limits the capacity of the bosses of data manipulators to take appropriate measures.”

“And there the circle is complete, yes the bosses know but their competence – between 0 to 1 on a scale of 1 to 10 – is less challenged when data is manipulated.”

“Oh dear, anyway, that’s not what I was implying when I asked if you had finally figured it out.”

“Oh, the Prime Minister is going to stay in London till 10th July one hears and…”

“Let me assure you that the Prime Minister like other parties’ leaders has prior experience of running the party from afar…he ran the party when he was in exile in Saudi Arabia if you recall… And look at Zardari sahib and Altaf bhai; they also manage their affairs from afar. And before you say it’s different running a party from running a government then let me remind you that Zardari sahib is running Sindh from afar and Altaf bhai is running Karachi and Hyderabad albeit with not that much of an iron hand as before.”

“Let me correct you here, Mian sahib’s experience of running his party from afar was not very successful – he lost many of his people to Musharraf, some he took back, one he continues to shun and I am referring to his former Minister of Information Mushahid Hussain…”

“Oh that reminds me, I finally figured out what it is that the Minister of Information and his naib qasid do to earn such high salaries and perks from my tax money. They point to the person allowed to ask questions from a cabinet member during press briefings. I would like to commend his naib qasid to have selected those with a favourable opinion…”

“That’s stupid right because the challenge is in converting the disenchanted.”

“And the circle is complete again…stupid implies lack of competence and as I said earlier…”

“Dear, dear me.”

Copyright Business Recorder, 2016